Research shows that the meme people send a close friend or partner most often means one thing: 'I'm thinking of you.'
Someone drops a video into a group chat with no comment. It is about the laziest way to stay in touch, barely better than saying nothing at all.
Penguins hand over pebbles; people hand over memes
Adam Grant, an organisational psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, calls it 'pebbling'. Gentoo penguins court by presenting a carefully chosen shiny stone. Humans do the same with memes, for romance or friendship.
In his new book Grant writes that these are not trivial gestures: every pebble is a bid for connection.
Who gets what is carefully chosen
Cat videos go to the husband, Lord of the Rings memes to certain friends, nostalgic posts to others. People sort and select, sending only the stone they think the other person will like.
His research shows memes mostly go to people already close. The closer you are, the more the in-jokes land.
It can also open a conversation
Rachel Peng at Louisiana State University began studying memes because of her own social anxiety. When she doesn't know what to say but wants the chat to continue, she sends a picture.
Too many will annoy. But if each one is chosen with care, the relationship gains even when the receiver only smiles privately and never replies.
Fifteen memes in a day means you were thought of fifteen times. Send back a 'lol' now and then.
Why it matters
Treating the lightest possible action, hitting share, as relationship maintenance says closeness runs on many small deposits rather than grand occasions. Anyone who thinks they are bad at keeping in touch is missing only a small stone that makes someone think of them.
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